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The 22 Best Things About Being A Single Guy

Yep I can watch cheerleading competitions on ESPN all day long!

As all of my readers know by now that I am a single guy. That should not be confused with a lonely guy…I am far from lonely. Single yes, lonely no.

I am OK with my marital status. I do not have, nor have I ever had a biological clock ticking inside me. The closest thing I ever had to having anything ticking inside me was that one summer when I entered a burrito eating competition at the local Qdoba. It wasn’t a pretty picture.  But that is a blog post for another time.

I have nothing against the institution of marriage. I would get married if the right girl came along, or if she posted a marriage proposal on my blog – but in the mean time I enjoy leading the life of a single guy. In fact, when the last census form came in the mail I had fun with it. Next to the word “single”  that I had checked under marital status,  I hand wrote, “hell yes”  next to it. I had no idea that making an alteration on the federal form would trigger a personal home visit from a U.S. Census Worker. Man did that lady with her little black census bag and her fancy-assed, hand-held Census computer really take her job serious.

I enjoy all of  the luxuries and perks that come with being single. I previously wrote a little bit about this  a few weeks ago. You can check that post here.  But I’m revisiting it more at length because I  got a lot of emails asking me to expand on the subject… not sure if it was a bunch of single female bloggers just wanting to get to know more about Mr. Bricks, or not.  So especially, here is what I like best about being single:

  1. A steady diet of McDonald’s without someone telling me that it is unhealthy for me.  Hello, I know that. If I wanted something healthy I would go to Burger King.
  2. Having two TV’s and a stereo on all at the same time without someone telling me that I am wasting my electric bill
  3. I can leave the toilet seat up in both bathrooms without any retaliation or constant complaints
  4. I can eat Bagel Bites for breakfast, lunch and dinner – all on the same day
  5. Some day my underpants is as dressed up as I will get if I am not planning on leaving the house, and that’s OK with me
  6. I can say rude comments while watching that Bachelorette without getting slugged in the arm
  7. I can watch cheerleading competitions on ESPN if I want to
  8. No one will tell me to turn off the disco music at 7:00am (The Bee Gee’s, Donna Summer and ABBA rule in Mr Bricks’ house)
  9. The dishes DO NOT have to be washed today (or tomorrow)
  10. If I run out of clean socks – no worries, that’s why God invented Wal-Mart. Besides, doing laundry is so overrated
  11. I don’t have to hide the porn (just kidding Mom)
  12. No one tells me I snore
  13. I can watch Glee without worrying about it ruining my street cred – (wait, did I just type that in my blog?)
  14. Unlimited frozen pizza(s)  (’nuff said)
  15. I don’t have to “man up” and change the oil in my own car when I can spend $284.99 at Jiffy Lube to get it done (it’s only money)
  16. Chili cheese dogs and ham sandwiches  are the perfect morning pick me up
  17. I don’t have to have a frilly  sham wow or whatever those fancy pants bed spread covers are called
  18. My house doesn’t smell like the damn Yankee Candle factory
  19. I don’t have sponges hanging in the shower and 17 types of shampoo, conditioners, and hair goop cluttering up the bathroom
  20. One fry pan and one saucepan is all the “pots and pans” I need in the kitchen, thank you very much!
  21. I can fall asleep on the couch at 1:00pm in the afternoon and no one is going to yell, “go get a job you loser.”
  22. I can sit on the couch for hours on end without saying a word and no one will ask me, “What are you thinking?
Have a great day and embrace your inner singleness!
Mr. Brick
Follow me on Twitter @MrBrick