Ban The Banana


As a self-proclaimed banana ban activist, I am campaigning to have all U.S. grocery and produce stores remove bananas from their shelves with respect to our former President, Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln was slain on April 15, 1865, at the Globe Theatre in Washington D.C. by famous actor and Confederate sympathizer, John Wilkes Booth. Booth once ate a banana, thus we need to ban the confederate fruit.

Mr. Brick wants to tell the Associated Press that the banana represents a bad time in the history of our country and the fruit is therefore highly inappropriate to be placed on store shelves. “If we need to rewrite American history, that’s fine, but for Pete’s sake, let’s finally remove this sinful fruit from store shelves,” Brick added, “technically it’s a berry, and there’s never been a good Berry in the history of our country.”

The banana and other confederate symbols received much scrutiny across the country in 2015 after 21-year-old Dylan Roof , also a Confederate sympathizer killed nine black people at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in downtown Charleston, South Carolina on June 17, 2015.

In addition to the banana remaining a symbol of hate, the banana is also causing immorality among our nation while they sleep. According to

Dreaming of a single banana indicates sexual desires because of the shape. If you have had a dream of a banana, it means that you’re thinking about sex and dreaming of a banana if you’re a woman indicates your actual nature towards others around you.

The easiest way to clean up our country and start on a new, moral, fresh path is to totally ban the banana from our country. We need to start at Wal-Mart. Did you know that mega-retailer Wal-Mart sells a reported 4 million bananas a year? It has been their best-selling item for years. According to a recent article on the website, a Wal-Mart spokeswoman boasted,  “Customers love bananas because they’re an easy, healthy food to pack and eat and very affordable,”  she added, “Kids also love bananas, and so a lot of customers are probably thinking of their children.” Yes, a banana is a cheap snack for children, but with its association with Confederate sympathizers, there is no place for the fruit in American society today. Many unsuspecting parents are feeding hate directly to their children through children’s videos of bananas dressed in pajamas. No wonder kids ask for bananas from their parents. They’ve been hoodwinked.

Finally, if the sexual overtones of bananas or their direct lineage to the Confederacy weren’t enough for you to want to help ban the banana, think of this from Wikipedia:

Bananas are naturally slightly radioactive, more so than most other fruits, because of their potassium content and the small amounts of the isotope potassium-40 found in naturally occurring potassium. The banana equivalent dose of radiation is sometimes used in nuclear communication to compare radiation levels and exposures

I think my banana ban has a peel.

Have a great day!

Mr. Brick

You can follow me on Twitter @MrBricksBlog