I have so many resentments that I am afraid people will resent me for this post. But alas, it is time for Mr. Brick to man up and become a better person by being grateful instead of resentful. I’m so glad I have this platform to spill my guts and become a better person. So, starting right now, I am cleaning out my personal resentment closet and starting anew.
In an attempt to be more grateful and to be held accountable for this new path, I am going to list my resentments here:
1. I resent the pimply-faced teenager who put a regular cheeseburger in my bag as I zipped through the McDonald’s drive-through when in fact I paid for a cheeseburger, hence the word CHEESE.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful I am able to afford the extra $1.10 for a single slice of fake cheese.
2. I resent the fat-ass college English professor who sent me my grade via email with more typos in his email explanation of why he gave me a C grade.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for websites like Rate My Professor were I go can to in advance of signing up for a class to, I can see who is be helping me with my poor grammar skills and who will not. Professor Doerr didn’t!
3. I resent that my apartment building’s elevator system seems to always have one of the four main elevators not working at all times.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for being in the elevator that broke down last night because I was able to spend 45 quality moments with my hot neighbor girl and her dog Toby from apartment 2828.
4. I resent that Spectrum makes me pay for 27 Spanish language channels when I do not speak Spanish.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for Google Translator so I can try and be funny right now…
Estoy agradecido de que Telemundo tenga algunas presentadoras femeninas de fumar
5. I resent that Twinkies only comes two to a package.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: That Hostess also sells Twinkies in boxes of twelve.
6. I resent that the McRib is only a seasonal item on the McDonald’s menu.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am trying not to eat meat, so I’m grateful the McRib is probably not made from real meat.
7. I resent that eBay makes me change my password every 6 months. How am I supposed to remember such a trival thing from six months ago?
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful that I decided to only use the same password of IDONTKNOW1234 on all of my sites.
8. I resent that Diet Coke has not made a can of Diet Coke with my name, Mr. Brick, on it (yet.)
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful I quit drinking Diet Coke (for now).
9. I resent horses because they smell like horse shit.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful I am not a horse.
10. I resent the cop who told me to have a nice day after giving me a $114 speeding ticket. yesterday. What a Jerk.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for the first responders who put their lives on the line each day… side note to Officer Gillispe, Don’t be a jerk!
11. I resent my mailman for folding an envelope clearly marked “do not bend” to fit it into my small-ish USPO issued mailbox.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful the post office now has Informed Delivery where I can digitally preview all of my folded mail.
12. I resent the full moon for making others act like jackasses.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am glad we only havde one full month a month…unless we have the rare blue moon.
13. I resent Apple for making their iPhone’s so technologically challenging that I had to ask a 3rd grader for help.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for that 3rd grader who allowed me to pay him in Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for his tech support.
14. I resent the US Post Office for cornering the employment market on hiring the best of the complete moron gene pool.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for the technolgy where I can do almost everything online without having to step foot inside a post office.
15. I resent the DMV for cornering the employment market on hiring the best morons who failed the US Post Office employment test.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful that my driver’s license are renewable on line for up to 20 years.
16. I resent that on a recent trip to Walgreens last night the sales clerk decided to do a price check over the loudspeaker on a box of condoms, and then adding, “They are size small.”
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: Embarrassment aside, I’m grateful I went to Walgreen’s last night because that was just before the big elevator fail. See #3
17. I resent that dogs don’t live for ever.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for the times I have had with both of my fur babies, Sunny and Pjojo.
18. I resent Nike for making $750 sneakers… it’s just not fair that only drug dealers can afford their expensive kicks.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful I live simply. I would never pay that much for toe wraps.
19. I resent Cap’n Crunch for making a cereal that must have some addictive additive in their list of ingredients.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful that the makers of Cap’n Crunch have just introduced the jumbo “Home Lock Down” 120 oz Family size boxes of their cereal.
20. I resent Burger King for abandoning their King mascot. Over the years he had become Mr. Brick’s friend. And now, poof, he’s gone.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful I still have his poster above my bed next to my Farrah Fawcet poster.
21. Financially, I resent Bill and Melinda Gates for not being my parents.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: Morally, I am grateful for Bill and Melinda Gates not being my parents.
22. I resent my former neighbor girl for always wearing such a skimpy bikini when she tanned. I have two words for her, tan lines. Just take it off already.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I regret last night’s encounter didn’t have similar tan lines. But a tap is a tap.
23. I resent Billy Ray Cyrus for spawning Miley Cyrus.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful to Miley for her song The Climb.
24. I resent smokers who throw their cigarette butt on the ground when they walk into a store and then grab an antibacterial wipe before touching a shopping cart.
NEW GRATEFUL ATTITUDE: I am grateful for the Coronavirus forcing stores to use antibacterial wipes on each cart.
Have a grateful day!
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