I would be lying through my veneers if I told you that looks are probably not the most important trait I look for in a girl to date. Yep, you can call me Shallow Bricks if you wish. I was cleaning out a closet and I came across a plastic bin full of 20 years of assorted photographs. “A bin full of photos” is the photograph display method of choice for confirmed bachelors like myself ow they use that new-fangled technology ap called.. umm, Instagram. Dudes like me just toss them into a big plastic bin. No need to spend money on a fancypants scrapbook album and then spend a ton of money on little trinkets to hot super glue to each page. That is annoying.
Anyway, I was going thru the bin o’ photos and I came across several pictures of ex-girlfriends, me and ex-girlfriends, and my dog Sunny with my ex-girlfriends. I noticed the one thing in common with all of the girls; I suffer from the “Super Hot Girl Friend Syndrome” (SHGFS). I didn’t even know there was an official diagnosis for it until I saw it listed as a medical term on WebMD. The really bad thing about having SHGFS is that if it goes unchecked for a very long time it leads to (EWD) “Empty Wallet Disease.” I am usually very careful and always try to practice safe dating. So I have been lucky and I have never contracted EWD. It is pretty well documented that any man who suffers from SHGFS and EWD for any length of time is most likely to also contract (LOSER), which is better known as Lonely Old Soul Entering Retirement disease. That one is pretty fatal.
It’s not all doom and gloom. There are lots of perks if you find yourself coming down with SHGFS. I thought I would list a few advantages of having a super hot girlfriend:
- They can fix cars. At least I think they can, because isn’t that why the very first question they always ask me is, “what type of car do you drive?”
- They are likely to be anorexic. So going out to dinner with them is usually an extremely inexpensive proposition. Just a glass of water with lemon and a slice of Kale.
- When I go out to a club (*Prior Covid-19) with them I’d send them to the bar alone and they’d always come back with a free drink. Thanks, other guys!! You’re a chump and have just been cockblocked by Mr. Brick! Zing!!
- Running into less attractive ex-girlfriends becomes like a fun thrill carnival ride instead of a stressful moment.
- Co-workers now know you as ‘The guy with a hot girlfriend” instead of “The slacker dude from cubicle 3” and your Bros know you as, “The Man!”
- It doesn’t matter what you wear, no one is ever looking at you anyway. They are all looking at your super hot girlfriend.
- You don’t need 2 bags for the end of the night. Just do it.
I want to remind you that if you do have an SHGF, you might need tips to keep the SHGF. I go into detail on this on my MYOB website which helps anyone to have a better life, career, or relationship.
Top 4 tips to keep your SHGF in your bed…
Fresh Flowers – Every woman loves fresh flowers
Humor – Every woman loves a funny man
Chocolate – Need I say more?
Honesty – Always the best policy.
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