Funny Stuff · Humor · Travel · vacation

The Magic of Florida

Originally posted 2/19/15

The Magic of Florida

The bags are packed, the anticipation has started, the countdown has begun. In a few short days, I will be in Florida. Time to strip off the winter clothes and soak up some warm, enveloping sun rays in the Sunshine state.

I just checked the weather in Orlando. What the hell…

Screen Shot 2015-02-18 at 11.07.50 PM

It is going to get down to 31 ° tonight. Helllllooo, that should be the temperature inside the cooler, chilling Mr. Brick’s Diet Cokes while I tan my Casper-like carcass on the white sandy beaches of the Atlantic Ocean. If I wanted freezing temperatures I would head to Chicago. I want the sun like a fat boy who wants chocolate cake. No panic yet… I still have a few days for the temperature to rebound before I board my flight.

There has always been something magical about Florida. It goes beyond the pixy dust and mystique of Disney World. I doubt I will even stroll over to the Mouse House or the other touristy places. Part of my soul belongs there. It is a feeling I am unable to explain. I have lived in Florida twice, for a total of six years. Both times I felt like I was never going to leave, but I did.

I have a lot of friends all over the state,  but I prefer to stay at a hotel. Room service, baby. I have some business to attend to while I am there, but mostly I will let whatever happens, happen. I am anxious to see if there is a reason for my anticipation.  I do not have much of an agenda, but here are some possibilities:

CHECKING THE TRUNK FOR JUNK                                                                                  I love to check out all of the antique shops and junk stores. Many people bring all of their crap to Florida and retire. When they kick the bucket their kids take the cash and give away all of the crap to the consignment shops and second-hand stores. You just never know what you will find. There are lots of flea markets too.

GET AN ALL OVER TAN                                                                                              Maybe, just maybe I will slip away to one of those clothes optional resorts that made Florida a prime destination for the hedonists. I did go years ago with a friend who was on assignment to photograph several resorts. It was kind of funny. The rule of thumb is, those who have a banging body and should take off their clothes don’t. Those who love a good buffet and shouldn’t, do (think of naked Wal-Mart shoppers). Sorry, I know that’s a visual image that stings a little.

GO ROUND AND ROUND                                                                                                There is nothing like watching a NASCAR race live and in person. TV shows the action, but you can not really hear or smell a race like you do in person. The Daytona 500 is the granddaddy of them all, and to be there when my favorite driver, Danica Patrick wins it all, would be like dying and going to Heaven.

THE CITRUS CAPITAL OF THE WORLD       I will pick a sack of oranges and share them with all of my friends when I get home. Like hell. First off, If I dare to eat citrus or any fruit I start vomiting like a whore on heroin withdraw.  Secondly, I am not gonna be climbing up a ladder and crap, trying to grab some fruit while on vacation. If I wanted fruit that bad I would go to the Piggly Wiggly and buy it.  Speaking of Piggly Wiggly, did you see the video of the old dude who hit 10 cars while trying to exit the Piggly Wiggly parking lot?

Well, I should thank him for the sobering reminder that soon I will be surrounded by Piggly Wiggly drivers. Maybe that’s why they go so fast at the Daytona Speedway… to get away from drivers like that!

OK, gotta get back to my packing. Oh, yes, lotion… gotta remember my suntan lotion just in case any of the girls in the photo at the top of the post need some lotion rubbed on them. I would reluctantly do that if asked. <evil grin>

Stay warm America. I am heading to Florida and taking one for the team.

Mr. Brick

You can follow me on Twitter @MrBricksWorld