Blog · Funny Stuff · Humor

Have We Gone Too Green?

It's Not Easy Being Green
It’s Not Easy Being Green

I am not going to get into the debate whether or not the ice caps are shrinking, if greenhouse gases are killing off the macadamia nut or if either one of the two recent East Coast blizzards were a direct result of global warming  or cooling or from the rare phenomenon once called winter. That’s not my job. That for the two Al’s… Al Gore and Al Roker.

First, all kinds of people went bat-shit crazy saying that if you used the term, “Trailer Trash” you were being insensitive to those dwelling in such homes. Outcries to ban the term,  “Trailer Trash” were being heard nationwide. Now, in order to become greener and to become the perfect nation, trash is being banned.

You see, in Seattle, Washington you can now get fined if your trash is not really trash. WHAT? Yes, you read that right. Effective January 1, 2015, the city of Seattle prohibits the disposal of food waste and compostable paper from residential, commercial and self-haul garbage. According to the ban:

Both single-family and multi-family residential residents are prohibited from putting significant amounts of recyclable paper, cardboard, glass and plastic bottles and jars, aluminum and tin cans, as well as compostable food soiled pizza boxes, paper napkins, paper towels and food waste in their garbage containers. Yard debris has been prohibited from residential garbage since 1989.

Color me disappointed, but Mr. Brick enjoyed the good old days when trash was trash. Until December 31, 2014 the City of Seattle garbage men did not pick up garbage cans that have significant amounts of recyclable material. This meant, the garbage man was going through your garbage can, looking for garbage. If he/she found that you had thrown away the wrong type of garbage in your garbage can, you were left with a warning.  It was a bright green note tagged to the side of your garbage can that read, This person is a PIG!!!  Ok, well not exactly, you can read a copy of the note:

Screen Shot 2015-02-04 at 1.44.24 PM

Not that wasn’t enough… NOW,  Effective January 1, 2015 the City’s collection contractors (that’s a fancy-pants term for garbage man) will leave the new  following notice slapped on your garbage cans, indicating that you might be fined if this shit happens again. Isn’t this like a scarlet letter for all of your neighbors to see? Read the warning sticker:

2nd-notice

How uncomfortable will this make interacting with your neighbors?

Neighbor: “Hey, wanna come over for a barbecue this weekend?”

You:  (Thinking to yourself: What and help you sort your garbage?) “Ummm, sorry, I have plans!”

Awkward.

The notice in the Seattle ban states that beginning July 1, 2015 a $1 fine will be added to their garbage bill if significant amounts of recyclables and compostables are found in their garbage. I think this is all pure rubbish. Hey, can even I still use the word rubbish without getting fined? I hope so. The state of Connecticut has a similar ban, which you can read about it here: CT trash code

I do have some really good news about all of this. For anyone cohabiting with someone else, the next time your wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner/lover, one night hook-up, or couch surfing friend from high school asks you to take out the trash, you can now tell them that the Government won’t allow you to.

Have a trashy day!

Mr Brick

You can follow me on Twitter @MrBrick

PS: Did you notice I went an entire blog without mentioning those annoying Kardashians?

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6 thoughts on “Have We Gone Too Green?

  1. great article about the perils of trash disposal. And, another example of how hardly anything is as odd (or funny) as ripping things right of today’s headlines.
    Well done.

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