The one question I will struggle with well into the new year… Is it better to be single or in a relationship? I am struggling with it because I have been so single, and so independent, for so long. Part of my serial singleness is my own part, and the other part of is only falling for the right person, at the wrong time. I do not regret any of my past relationships. I’m just unsure if I want to put the effort and try it one more time. We all know that relationships are very hard work. But how do you go about to find that right fish for you in a sea full of fish?
I’m not sure if girls realize that guys can get hurt too if a relationship crumbles. The bravado most guys have make them seem like getting dumped, or being the dump-er is no big deal. But to me, a card carrying member of the male species, it is actually a very big deal to me. Please do not take away my man card just yet, please read on.
I am about to have the big reveal and give you an inside secret on the male noggin, when it comes to relationships with members of the opposite sex. This is information that is coming from a caring, bible-reading guy who believes in courting a girl, not a guy who just tries to get into a girl’s pants. Actually my biggest regret in life is that I did not remain faithful to my beliefs, and I did have sex prior to getting married. Not good. That is on me, and I must deal with it. How can I expect a potential wife to be a virgin and pure, if in fact I am far from that? But isn’t that what society says is normal? Boy meets girl. Boy acts like he cares. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy gets lucky with girl. Girl says she wants a commitment. Boy leaves girl. We have all heard people say, well you wanna see if the sex is good first, before you get married, right? I’m not so sure I totally agree with that. It’s all a mute point now with my past, but if I met a girl who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, I would totally be fine with that. (of course I would be pushing for a super fast engagement) LOL
But love is far more than sex. I am only going into relationships with a girl who is 100% capable of agape love, because that is the type of love I also bring to a relationship. Agape love is a Godly love. That is a quality I am seeking in a girl.
I see my parents go to church each Sunday and then go to breakfast. They sit in the same pew at church EVERY Sunday, and then they go to the same restaurant afterwards EVERY Sunday. That is so stinking romantic to me. That is what I want in a relationship, although I might swap choices of where to go eat from time-to-time. You know what is also stinking cute? Whenever they pray, they hold hands. Adorable.
I don’t date. What’s the point? With courting it is entering into a relationship where you both want it to lead towards marriage. Now, you might say, that is what dating is? Nope, you are so wrong. Dating goes like this:
Boy meets a cute girl at the mall
Boy: Hey, baby you’re hot!!
Girl: (giggle) Thanks
Boy: Hey, wanna go out with me?
Girl: (giggle) Sure, I guess.
Boy: Sweet, maybe you can come to the gym and watch me work out?
Girl: Ok, I guess.
Here is courting:
Boy meets a cute girl at the mall
Boy: Hi, my name is ______, I like your sweater. It makes your eyes sparkle.
Girl: (giggle) Thank you, that is so nice to hear.
Boy: What is your name?
Girl: (giggle) It is __________.
Boy: Hello, ________ it is a pleasure to meet you.
Girl: (giggle) My, aren’t you a gentleman.
Boy: Isn’t that what a girl wants, a real gentleman? Besides, that is how I was raised to always treat a girl like she is the most important thing on earth.
Girl: That is so refreshing to hear.
Boy: I know because most guys just don’t know how to be a real man.
Girl: I’m listening…tell me more.
Boy: Well, maybe you would like to meet me for coffee?
Girl: I would like that.
Boy: I have one rule first.
Girl, uh oh, what is that?
Boy: I pick you up and I must meet your parents first. They need to know who is responsible for their daughter for a few hours, even if it is just for a cup of coffee.
Girl: Are you serious?
Boy: Yes. Why is that asking too much?
Girl: No, It’s just that my parents are gonna love you for doing that.
Boy: I want them, and you to feel secure.
Girl: I like that.
Boy: I’m glad you like that.
Ok, now before you say I went off the deep end and that is not reality, let me just say, it can be reality but you need to work at it. I told you a good relationship will be hard work.
Courting is putting God back into the art of getting to know someone of the opposite sex. It is not as old-fashioned as it sounds. I can guarantee you that a girl who is properly courted ends up falling in a much deeper love, than when the same girl is in a typical dating relationship… even though in the courting there is no sexual intercourse. You don’t have to have sex to have a great date. If a guy is properly courting his girl, he too will fall deeper in love with her than if he was wham-bam-thank-you-ma’aming her in a typical dating relationship scenario.
What else makes courting such a special process vs dating? One is accountability with others who have a successful Godly marriage. Remember my stinking cute parents? Well, all it takes is listening to “their story” and it will make any couple want what they have. Without getting too personal, they were high school sweethearts!
When I grew up, 100% of dating advice I heard from my parents, was about how my grandparents we’re there for them when my dad was first courting my mom. I heard how my grandfather expected any boy to first sit down with him before he asked my mom, or any of her four sisters out. My grandfather wasn’t mean, he was just Godly. See where we are going with all of this? So by checking in from time to time with a couple who have a rock solid relationship you can really help a new relationship start on solid ground.
Other aspects of courting is prayer. I love God, and I love my time in prayer with him. So what better time to talk to God than with the girl I love? It takes a strong person to broach the subject of praying together, but when it is done I promise their is no better, stronger, and purer form of prayer. As it says in the good book, when two or more are gathered in my name, so am I.
The art of kissing is a lost or dying art. Most people today kiss to get to the sex act. I so disagree with that train of thought. Like I said earlier, I have sinned. I have had sex, and yet there is a strong possibility that in my next relationship the girl would have never experienced the beauty of sex. So, if she wants to wait, then it will be put upon me to ensure that the art of kissing is something that she will look forward to, since there will be no sex. I love making out, almost as much as sex. Remember that awkward, in the back seat of a car making out you did when you were younger? Try it, it brings back an entire new dimension of a relationship when making out is as far as it can go. Without bragging, I do have my mojo when it comes to making out, just sayin’
I already know my answer of is it worth falling in love, again. The answer is yes, because if this IS THE ONE — then I will finally have found my heaven on earth…and maybe just maybe you will see me and ______ holding hands in the front pew at your church. You will know it is us by the permanent twinkle in our eyes!
Have a great day!
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