I have so many resentments that I am afraid people will resent me for this post. But alas, it is time to clean out my personal resentment closet and start anew. In an attempt to become a better person I am going to list my resentments here:
1. I resent the pimply-faced teenager who put a regular cheeseburger in my bag as I zipped through the McDonald’s drive-through when in fact I paid for a cheeseburger, hence the word CHEESE.
2. I resent the fat-ass English teacher who sent me my grade via email with more typos in his email explanation of my grade than in my assignment, in which he gave me the c- grade for.
3. I resent that my sprinkler system doesn’t actually reach every single inch of my yard and now I have big brown spots.
4. I resent that Danica Patrick likes some other dude other than me.
5. I resent that Spectrum makes me pay for 27 Spanish language channels when I do not speak Spanish.
6. I resent that Twinkies only comes two to a package.
7. I resent that the McRib is only a seasonal item on the McDonald’s menu.
8. I resent that eBay makes me change my password every 6 months.
9. I resent that Diet Coke has not made a can of Diet Coke with my name, Mr. Brick, on it (yet.)
10. I resent horses because they smell like horse shit.
11. I resent the cop who told me to have a nice day after giving me a $114 speeding ticket. Jerk.
12. I resent my mailman for folding an envelope clearly marked “do not bend” to fit it into my smallish USPO issued mailbox.
13. I resent the full moon for making others act like jackasses.
14. I resent Apple for making their iPhone’s so technologically challenging that I had to ask a 3rd grader for help.
15. I resent the US Post Office for cornering the employment market on hiring the best of the complete moron gene pool.
16. I resent the DMV for cornering the employment market on hiring the best morons who failed the US Post Office employment test.
17. I resent that on a recent trip to Walgreens the sales clerk decided to do a price check over the loudspeaker on a box of condoms, and then adding, “They are size small.”
18. I resent that dogs don’t live for ever.
19. I resent Nike for making $750 sneakers… it’s just not fair that only drug dealers can afford their expensive kicks.
20. I resent Cap’n Crunch for making a cereal that must have some addictive additive in their list of ingredients.
21. I resent Burger King for abandoning their King mascot. Over the years he had become Mr. Brick’s friend. And now, poof, he’s gone.
22. I resent Bill and Melinda Gates for not being my parents.
23. I resent my neighbor girl for wearing such a skimpy bikini. I have two words for her, tan lines. Just take it off already
24. I resent Billy Ray Cyrus for spawning Miley Cyrus.
25. I resent smokers who throw their cigarette butt on the ground when they walk into a store and then grab an antibacterial wipe before touching a shopping cart.
Have a nice day!
You can follow me on Twitter @MrBricksBlog … but don’t resent me for it.