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Don’t Resent Me for These Resentments

Resentment

I have so many resentments that I am afraid people will resent me for this post. But alas, it is time to clean out my personal resentment closet and start anew. In an attempt to become a better person I am going to list my resentments here:

1.  I resent the pimply faced teenager who put a regular cheeseburger in my bag as I zipped through the McDonald’s drive through when in fact I paid for a cheeseburger, hence the word CHEESE.

2.  I resent the fat-ass English teacher who sent me my grade via email with more typos in his email explanation of my grade than in my assignment, in which he gave me the c- grade for.

3.   I resent that my sprinkler system doesn’t actually reach every single inch of my yard and now I have big brown spots.

4.  I resent that Danica Patrick likes Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. and not me.

5.  I resent that Comcast makes me pay for 27 Spanish language channel when I do not speak Spanish.

6.  I resent that Twinkies only comes two to a package.

7. I resent that the McRib is only a seasonal item on the McDonald’s menu.

8. I resent that eBay makes me change my password every 6 months.

9. I resent that Diet Coke has not made a can of Diet Coke with my name, Mr Bricks, on it (yet.)

10. I resent horses because they smell like horse shit.

11. I resent the cop who told me to have a nice day after giving me a $114 speeding ticket. Jerk.

12. I resent my mailman for  folding an envelope clearly marked “do not bend” to fit it into my smallish USPO issued mailbox.

13. I resent the full moon for making others act like jackasses.

14. I resent Apple for making their iPhone’s so technologically challenging that I had to ask a 3rd grader for help.

15. I resent the US Post Office for cornering the employment market on hiring the best of the  complete moron gene pool.

16. I resent the DMV for cornering the employment market on hiring the best morons who failed the US Post Office employment test.

17.  I resent my sales clerk at Walgrens who decided to do a price check over the loudspeaker on a box of condoms, and then adding, “they are size small.”

18. I resent that dogs don’t live for ever.

19. I resent Nike for making $750 sneakers… it’s just not fair that only drug dealers can afford their expensive kicks.

20. I resent Cap’n Crunch for making a cereal that must have some addictive additive in their list of ingredients.

21. I resent Burger King for abandoning their King mascot. Over the years he had become Mr. Brick’s friend. And now, poof, he’s gone.

22. I resent Bill and Melinda Gates for not being my parents.

23. I resent my neighbor girl for wearing such a skimpy bikini. I have two words for her, tan lines. Just take it off already

24. I resent Billy Ray Cyrus for spawning Miley Cyrus.

25. I resent smokers who throw their cigarette butt on the ground when they walk into a store and then grab an antibacterial wipe before touching a shopping cart.

 

Have a nice day!

 

Mr. Brick

You can follow me on Twitter @MrBrick … but don’t resent me for it.

 

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