Have you been to a US post office lately? Unfortunately, I go every day to send out all of the books I have sold for that day. Despite my somewhat catchy blog title, there is actually nothing funny about having to go to the post office.
Today’s experience was just a typical experience. Let me set the scene. There were 14 people standing in line. 6 postal clerk windows, but only one very large postal worker working. All of the other 5 windows had plastic signs myself and all of the other US taxpayers paid for that said: “Next Window, Please.” So, do they think by saying “please” we won’t get pissed off about waiting 20 minutes? Sorry, Charlie… it did nothing to cool my seething jets.
A blue haired lady asked, (in a loud voice) “Could get some extra help out here.” The large postal worker did a classic eye roll, and then in her best Humpty Dumpty signature move, spilled off of her stool and waddled over to a door bell.
BUZZZZZZZZZZ (she held down the buzzer as long as her little sausage fingers allowed her to do so)
Then she gave classic eye roll #2 and tried to climb aboard her stool. I say climb, because it took her about 4 attempts before she got her odd shaped body situated on the seat.
7 minutes have gone by and the line still has not moved. Apparently no one was home when Humpty Dumpty rang the door bell. Then, magicially like the curtain was pulled to expose the almighty OZ, out popped a woman who said she was the supervisor. She asked if anyone in line had mail to pick up or were just dropping off a letters or a package? No takers. She asked again… Anyone just dropping something off or picking up?” There were crickets. Nothing. All 13 fellow mail patrons were there, at the post office to mail something… imagine the irony of that? Not getting any takers, the supervisor disappeared behind the curtain, never to be seen again.
As we closed in on the 10 minute mark it was apparent that the one customer being helped by Humpty Dumpty was either filling out enough paperwork to qualify for a home mortgage or writing their last will and testament. The later doesn’t sound like a bad idea since, as #9 in line, I might be dead before I could get my latest book orders in the mail.
The next 17 minutes before I was able to get help were kind of a blur.
Finally, there I was. Face to Face with Humpty Dumpty. It’s funny because standing in line I did not even notice her mustache. Now that I am face to face, I must say I’m kind of jealous that HD can grow a mustache much nice than I can.
Keep in mind, I mail books every day, so normally this is routine for me. I had 7 packages today. They all go media mail, no tracking, no insurance. There are no liquids and nothing fragile or flammable is in the boxes. So my turn at the window was very quick, or should have been. After Humpty Dumpty had pasted the postage on all 7 packages and pasting the new USPO tracking sticker (even if you don’t pay for it) on the boxes I was told that it was $28.60 and I reached into my back trousers’s pocket for my wallet. Instantly I knew, Houston, we have a problem. I didn’t have my wallet.
It took 5 nasty-ass eye rolls and 5 minutes for Humpty Dumpty to void all of the postage.
The moral of this blog story is, if you ordered a book from me today, it’s gonna be late. Yes, the crowd did grow restless. I am happy to report no one went postal.
Have a great day!