In honor of upcoming summer rituals, here is a past blog originally posted on August 6, 2011…
I would be lying through my veneers if I told you that looks are probably not the most important trait I look for in a girl to date. Yep, you can call me Shallow Brick if you wish. I was cleaning out a closet and I came across a plastic bin full of 20 years of assorted photographs. A bin full of photos is the photograph display method of choice for confirmed bachelors like myself. We just toss them into a big plastic bin. No need to spend money on a fancy pants scrapbook album and then why spend a ton of money on little trinkets to hot super glue to each page. That is annoying.
Anyway, I was going through the bin o’ photos and I came across several pictures of ex-girl friends, me and ex- girl friends and my dog Sunny with my ex-girl friends. I noticed the one thing in common with all of the girls; I suffer from the “Super Hot Girl Friend Syndrome” (SHGFS). I didn’t even know there was an official diagnosis for it until I saw it listed as a medical term on WebMD. The really bad thing about having SHGFS is that if it goes unchecked for a very long time it leads to (EWD) “Empty Wallet Disease.” I am usually very careful and always try to practice safe dating. So I have been lucky and I have never contracted EWD. It is pretty well documented that any man who has suffered with SHGFS and EWD for any length of time is most likely to also contract (LOSER), which is better known as Lonely Old Soul Entering Retirement disease. That one is pretty fatal.
It’s not all doom and gloom. There are lots of perks if you find yourself coming down with SHGFS. I thought I would list a few advantages of having a super hot girl friend:
- They can fix cars. At least I think they can, because the very first question they ask is, “what type of car do you drive?”
- They are likely to be anorexic. So going out to dinner with them is usually an extremely inexpensive proposition. Just a glass water with lemon and a slice of lettuce.
- When you go out to a club with them you can send them to the bar alone and they will always comeback with a free drink. Thanks other guys, you have just been cock blocked by Mr. Brick!
- Running into ex- less attractive girl friends becomes like a fun thrill carnival ride instead of a stressful moment.
- Co-workers now know you as ‘The guy with a hot girl friend” instead of “The slacker dude from cubicle 3.”
- It doesn’t matter what you wear, no one is ever looking at you anyway. They are all looking at your super hot girl friend.
- You don’t need 2 bags for the end of the night.