That’s the question I am struggling with after being so single, and so independent for so long. Is it worth falling in love again? Part of my serial singleness is my own fault for love bombing someone and the other part of it is falling for the right person at the wrong time. I do not regret any of my past relationships. I’m just unsure if I want to try one more time.
I’m not sure if girls realize that guys can get hurt too if a relationship crumbles. The bravado most guys have is to make them seem like getting dumped or being the dump-er is no big deal. But to me, a card-carrying member of the male species, it is actually a very big deal to me. My heart is achy AF after any break up.
Here is an insider’s secret on the male brain, when it comes to relationships with members of the opposite sex. This is information is mine. It is flawed just like I am. I am not perfect and I don’t expect my mate to be perfect either. This is coming from a caring, bible-reading guy who believes in courting a girl, not a guy who just tries to get into a girl’s pants. The desires are still there inside my heart and pants…. I just try and not let it show! Although since I wear my heart on my sleeve, I fail miserable at hiding it. Actually, my biggest regret in life is that I did not remain faithful to my beliefs, and so I did have sex prior to ever getting married. But since I’m older now, and I did, I can’t judge others. We all have some sort of issues. All of us. Sometimes I get too overbearing. I hate that about myself. It is on me, and I must deal with it. So how can I expect a potential partner/wife to be perfect if in fact, I am far from that? I say partner or wife because I’d consider living with a girl and sleeping with her without getting married, only if it was a 100% monogamous relationship and we both were really in love, not lust. Because isn’t that what society says is normal? Boy meets girl. The boy acts like he cares. The girl falls in love with a boy. Boy gets lucky with a girl. The girl says she wants a commitment. The boy leaves girl. We have all heard people say, well you wanna see if sex is good first before you get married, right? I’m not so sure I totally agree with that. But I’ve done it, so I won’t judge. But that’s lust, not love. How do you know if it I’d love or lust? Love grows with time. Lust fades with time.
It’s all a moot point now with my past, but if I met a girl who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, I would totally be fine with that. (of course, I would be pushing for a super-fast engagement) LOL
But love is far more than sex. I am only going into sexual relationships with a girl who also wants that kind of love and respect. That is the type of love I also bring to the relationship. Agape love is Godly love. Unconditional Love is what Mr. Brick calls it.
I see my parents go to church each Sunday and then go to breakfast. They sit in the same pew at church EVERY Sunday and then they go to the same restaurant afterward EVERY Sunday. That is so stinking romantic to me. That is what I want in a relationship, although I might swap choices of where to go eat from time-to-time. You know what is also stinking cute? Whenever they pray, they hold hands. Adorable.
I don’t date. What’s the point? But with courting, it is entering into a relationship where you both want to lead towards marriage. Now, you might say, that is what dating is? Nope, you are so wrong. Dating goes like this:
Boy meets a cute girl at the mall
Boy: Hey, baby you’re hot!!
Girl: (giggle) Thanks
Boy: Hey, wanna go out with me?
Girl: (giggle) Sure, I guess.
Boy: Sweet, maybe you can come to the gym and watch me work out?
Girl: Ok, I guess.
Here is courting:
Boy meets a cute girl at the mall
Boy: Hi, my name is ______, I like your sweater. It makes your eyes sparkle.
Girl: (giggle) Thank you, that is so nice to hear.
Boy: What is your name?
Girl: (giggle) It is __________.
Boy: Hello, ________ it is a pleasure to meet you.
Girl: (giggle) My, aren’t you a gentleman.
Boy: Isn’t that what a girl wants, a real gentleman? Besides, that is how I was raised to always treat a girl like she is the most important thing on earth.
Girl: That is so refreshing to hear.
Boy: No, most guys just don’t know how to be a real man.
Girl: I’m listening…tell me more.
Boy: Well, maybe you would like to meet me for coffee?
Girl: I would like that.
Boy: I have one rule first.
Girl, uh oh, what is that?
Boy: I pick you up and I meet your parents first. They need to know who is responsible for their daughter for a few hours, even if it is just for a cup of coffee.
Girl: Are you serious?
Boy: Yes. Why is that asking too much?
Girl: No, It’s just that my parents are gonna love you for doing that.
Boy: I want them and you to feel secure.
Girl: I like that.
Boy: I’m glad you like that.
Ok, now before you say I went off the deep end and that is not reality, let me just say, it can be a reality.
Courting is putting God back into the art of getting to know someone of the opposite sex. It is not as old-fashioned as it sounds. I can guarantee you that a girl who is properly courted ends up falling in much deeper love, than when the same girl is just in a typical dating relationship…even though in the courting there is no sexual intercourse. You don’t have to have sex to have a great date. If a guy is properly courting his girl, he too will fall deeper in love with her than if he was wham-bam-thank-you-ma’aming her in a typical dating scenario.
What else makes courting such a special process vs dating. One is accountability with others who have a successful Godly marriage. Remember my stinking cute parents? Well, all it takes is listening to “their story” and it will make any couple want what they have. Without getting too personal, they were high school sweethearts!
So growing up 100% of my dating advice I heard was about how my grandparents were there for my parents when my dad was first courting my mom. I heard how my grandfather expected any boy to first sit down with him before he asked my mom, or any of her four sisters out. My grandfather wasn’t mean, he was just Godly. See where we are going with all of this? So by checking in from time to time with a couple who have a rock-solid relationship can really help a new relationship start on solid ground.
Other aspects of courting are prayers. I love God, and I love my time in prayer with him. So what better time to talk to God than with the girl I love? It takes a strong person to broach the subject of praying together, but when it is done I promise there is no better, stronger, and purer form of prayer. As it says in the good book when two or more are gathered in my name, so am I.
The art of kissing is a lost or dying art. Most people today kiss to get to the sex act. I so disagree with that train of thought. Like I said earlier, I have sinned. I have had sex, lots of sex, and yet there is a strong possibility that in my next relationship It might be months with the girl before we would experience the beauty act of sex. But, if she wants to wait, then it will be put upon me to ensure that the art of kissing is something that she will look forward to since there would be no sex. I love making out, almost as much as sex. Remember that awkward, in the back seat of a car making out? Try it, it brings back an entirely new dimension of a relationship when making out is as far as it goes. Without bragging, I do have my mojo when it comes sex and to making out, just sayin’
I already know my answer is it worth falling in love, again. The answer is yes because if this IS THE ONE — then I will finally have found my heaven on earth…and maybe just maybe you will see me and ______ holding hands in the front pew at your church. You will know it is us by the permanent twinkle in our eyes!
Have a great day!
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