For long time readers of Mr. Brick’s World blog you know that Mr. Brick is a single guy with a dog…not to be confused with a lonely single guy with a dog. That’s a whole other blog topic about my neighbor Rex.
Many of you single women out there in blog land can’t believe your pantaloons that Mr. Brick is single. You think to yourself, how can anyone who is so witty and wise still be unattached? But single I am. That’s because I am waiting for a girl like you. Yes you.
Here are my qualifications. Oh, wait…before I begin, I want to warn you that I have told others of my qualifications that I want for just the right lady to become the Potential Mrs. Brick (PMB) and I have heard all of the name calling and snickering before – so shut your pie hole and keep the snarky comments to yourself! Some of the names and comments I have been called are elitist, Shallow Hal..oops Shallow Bricks, mamma’s boy, a real in genuine guy, stupid, male chauvinist pig, hermit, Kermit, “who do you think you are Brad Pitt”, loser, lonely guy, Picky Bricky, etc, etc. But alas, it’s my life so I design all of the rules. Tap, tap no erasers.
Top 10 qualifications for becoming Potential Mrs. Brick (PMB)
1. PMB must have a smaller butt than Mr. Brick.
2. No vegans or total health freaks incase Mr. Brick ever wants to share his chili cheese fries and Diet Coke with PMB. Doubtful, because I rarely wanna to share such a high quality food as chili-cheese fries with anyone. But it might happen.
3. Although it might work for others, PMB must have been born a biological woman. If the Olympics and mall restrooms can disqualify on gender, so can Mr. Brick.
4. PMB must be age appropriate for Mr. Brick. Old enough to know who Paul McCartney is and young enough to not even come close to remembering the grand opening of the first McDonald’s.
5. Must like dogs. Especially this one:
6. Children are ok, but the following PMB child policy will be strictly enforced:
- No children older than Mr. Brick (that’s just creepy)
- No more than 2.5 children (I don’t want/need baby daddy drama)
- No homely children (life is too hard – who needs to help raise someone else’s ugly baby)
7. All PMB’s must love to laugh – except in the bedroom. Mr. Brick condones inappropriate laughing at his expense during sessions of intimacy.
8. English should be one of the language skill sets any PMB possess. It doesn’t have to be their first language, in fact Mr. Brick likes a little accent here and there, but needs to understand what the PMB is saying at all times. I have heard communications is the key to any happy marriage. oops, there it is…the “M” word.
9. If a PMB only listens to gangster rap music, no need to apply. All PMB’s should have a wide-variety of musical tastes. If a person only listens to songs that think nothing of dropping the “F” bomb every other word, that is not a PMB. Quick PMB quiz: Who is Paul McCartney?
10. If you are a PMB and have a body that can really rock a bikini rules 1 -9 do not apply.
Any potential PMB’s please feel free to email pictures, questions and your complete dossier to:
Have a great day!
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