Here in the United States we live in an “I want it all society.” So, to help you get everything on your Christmas Wish List I have put together a few tried and true options to ensure you get exactly what you want under the Christmas tree.
1. Win the lottery.
2. Marry a Kardashian on National TV and pocket $15 million dollars. No worries, you’ll be single again in time for New Year’s Eve.
3. Marry an NBA player. They will cheat on you by Christmas Eve. Then file for divorce and then hire a big name divorce attorney.
4. Marry an NFL Player. They will cheat on you by Christmas Eve. Then file for divorce and then hire a big name divorce attorney.
5. Marry a Hockey Player…wait, no one marries hockey players. Never mind.
6. Have an affair with anyone with big time political aspirations. Save all text messages, especially the ones the adulterer tells you to delete.
7. Go to McDonald’s and spill the coffee in your lap. Hire a lawyer and tell a judge you had no idea your coffee was going to be hot.
8. Have your parents pay $4,000 to the Ark Music Factory for an auto-tuned song/video and wait for it to go viral.
9. Tell a lawyer that you thought it was just “Bieber Fever” but it’s actually Bieber’s baby!
10. Rob a bank.
11. Play Xbox 360 games Halo or Call of Duty and then sue the game makers for having violent nightmares.
12. Sue your parents for having you. Convince a judge you had no say so in the matter and that you didn’t want to be born.
13. Sell your soul on eBay.
14. Stand in front of Wal-Mart and ask the next 4 million customers for $.25 each
15. Create a reality series about your boring life. Include your skanky siblings for bigger ratings!
I hope these ideas help! Merry Christmas.
Follow me on Twitter @MrBrick