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Facebook: “We Know What You Did Last Summer, Last Night, and Last Weekend”

This is my second post about the new Facebook changes. If it is true, this new information I just learned scares the Diet Coke out of me. According to Nik Cubrilovic, an Australian technologist, it appears there is a built-in Facebook Automatic Cookie Tracking Stalker (FACTS) feature on the new Facebook timeline app that can track you long after you logged off of the social networking site.  You can read Nik’s post here.

I really don’t want Facebook and my computer knowing my every move. How creepy is that? And now that I have linked my Facebook account with my cell phone and  any other social networking site like Twitter, Linkedin, Youtube and MySpace (is that still around??) that allowed me to join,  as long as I could correctly type in my name twice without making a mistake. Basically, I guess I  have technology as my new nagging virtual mother.   After learning all of these new FACTS about Facebook  and knowing that is combined with GPS technology I can expect the following scenarios:

Next time I am at Sears (is that still around??) I will receive a text from the Kardashian girls asking me to “like” their Facebook page for an additional 10% off of their skanky clothes’ collection now featured inside all Sears stores next to the washing machines.

When I am at a McDonald’s and swipe my debit card to pay for a McRib supersized meal I will get an instant message from Jillian Michaels with a read-out of my Body Mass Index that I entered into her weight-loss site 4 months ago.  She will then  have the ability to automatically decline my purchase.

I stop by Petco to get some food for my dog Sunny. While standing in line to pay for the one bag of dog food, my cell phone rings. It is the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan who scolds me that I am ruining Sunny’s health by feeding him that cheap imitation dog food. Cesar says it is nothing but ground up horse meat. Cesar instructs you to put down the 30 pound bag of $9.99 dog food and go purchase  a $65.00  2 pound bag of his new organic prime rib kibble. Although I haven’t been able to afford a prime rib dinner for myself at Outback Steakhouse in 3 years, I decide that Cesar knows best. Before he hangs up Cesar asks me to make sure I read his current Facebook wall post. He thinks it will help Sunny with the itching problem he has.

While driving away from Petco with a small bag over over-priced kibble in the seat next to me I get a text message. Knowing it is illegal to drive and text, I safely pull over into a parking lot to read the message. It is from Shell oil. they thank me for the “like” on their Facebook page and as a valuable “friend” they want to warn me that my car is dangerously low on gas. I look at the gas needle and it is past the empty mark. According to their GPS tracking I am less than an 1/8th of a mile from the nearest Shell station with the lowest price for regular gas in the area.  Thank goodness last week I decided to like “Shell oil” on Facebook.  NOTE: For anyone else who has actually have done this, I think we need to do some serious soul-searching and ask ourselves, why we actually clicked the  “like”  button on the Shell Facebook page in the first place.  I have three words for myself – Get A Life.

I finally got home and just wanted to be alone. I grabbed a cold beverage and a box of Cheez-Its and headed to my computer. I know it was wrong, but I log onto a porn site. Before I can retype my password for validation my  mother called. Coincidence? I think not. Apparently, Facebook and my Mom are working in cahoots.

Have a great day!

Mr. Brick

Follow me on Twitter @MrBrick


15 thoughts on “Facebook: “We Know What You Did Last Summer, Last Night, and Last Weekend”

  1. I’m grateful for the chance to laugh at something that otherwise feels very, very creepy. Thank you.

  2. Fantastic post!
    Honestly, the thought of facebook being so high tech is really scary. I don’t want anyone to know my every move…thats odd.

    1. Yes Sara it is a tad bit creepy. I don’t want people knowing I am pulling into the strip club,oops I mean Safeway grocery store parking lot.
      Thanks for stopping by.

      Mr Bricks

  3. Great stuff. Sometimes when I look in my refrigerator, I think to myself, “what would Dr. Oz say about the food in here?” No doubt he’ll also be in touch soon.

  4. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if Facebook actually has that tracking device…stupid Facebook. I’m always careful with what I choose to post and what I “Like” on FB, but they still seem to know more about me than I have ever shared with them…super creepy.

    Great post, Mr Bricks! 🙂

  5. I only use Facebook to keep in touch with my far-flung circle of friends. Somehow their advertisers got the idea that I was interested in Sarah Palin or natural health products or alien abduction insurance. Um, no.

  6. Constant and eternal monitoring is the price we pay to keep in touch with people we don’t like enough to talk to in real life. That’s not too bad!

  7. It is stories like this that keep me from using Facebook for either personal or business use, although I will be more than happy to help someone craft their page content if need be…but I would also advise them “buyer beware.” I have numerous articles continually questioning the safety of Facebook. Admittedly, it may or may not be more or less safe than other services and/or applications but there is so much “out there” they have privacy issues. And, more than one person has reported having to “chase down” how to keep your privacy as a member because…they keep moving the cheese. Great title and picture on the post!

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