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Facebook: “We Know What You Did Last Summer, Last Night, and Last Weekend”

This is my second post about the new Facebook changes. If it is true, this new information I just learned scares the Diet Coke out of me. According to Nik Cubrilovic, an Australian technologist, it appears there is a built-in Facebook Automatic Cookie Tracking Stalker (FACTS) feature on the new Facebook timeline app that can track you long after you logged off of the social networking site.  You can read Nik’s post here.

I really don’t want Facebook and my computer knowing my every move. How creepy is that? And now that I have linked my Facebook account with my cell phone and  any other social networking site like Twitter, Linkedin, Youtube and MySpace (is that still around??) that allowed me to join,  as long as I could correctly type in my name twice without making a mistake. Basically, I guess I  have technology as my new nagging virtual mother.   After learning all of these new FACTS about Facebook  and knowing that is combined with GPS technology I can expect the following scenarios:

Next time I am at Sears (is that still around??) I will receive a text from the Kardashian girls asking me to “like” their Facebook page for an additional 10% off of their skanky clothes’ collection now featured inside all Sears stores next to the washing machines.

When I am at a McDonald’s and swipe my debit card to pay for a McRib supersized meal I will get an instant message from Jillian Michaels with a read-out of my Body Mass Index that I entered into her weight-loss site 4 months ago.  She will then  have the ability to automatically decline my purchase.

I stop by Petco to get some food for my dog Sunny. While standing in line to pay for the one bag of dog food, my cell phone rings. It is the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan who scolds me that I am ruining Sunny’s health by feeding him that cheap imitation dog food. Cesar says it is nothing but ground up horse meat. Cesar instructs you to put down the 30 pound bag of $9.99 dog food and go purchase  a $65.00  2 pound bag of his new organic prime rib kibble. Although I haven’t been able to afford a prime rib dinner for myself at Outback Steakhouse in 3 years, I decide that Cesar knows best. Before he hangs up Cesar asks me to make sure I read his current Facebook wall post. He thinks it will help Sunny with the itching problem he has.

While driving away from Petco with a small bag over over-priced kibble in the seat next to me I get a text message. Knowing it is illegal to drive and text, I safely pull over into a parking lot to read the message. It is from Shell oil. they thank me for the “like” on their Facebook page and as a valuable “friend” they want to warn me that my car is dangerously low on gas. I look at the gas needle and it is past the empty mark. According to their GPS tracking I am less than an 1/8th of a mile from the nearest Shell station with the lowest price for regular gas in the area.  Thank goodness last week I decided to like “Shell oil” on Facebook.  NOTE: For anyone else who has actually have done this, I think we need to do some serious soul-searching and ask ourselves, why we actually clicked the  “like”  button on the Shell Facebook page in the first place.  I have three words for myself – Get A Life.

I finally got home and just wanted to be alone. I grabbed a cold beverage and a box of Cheez-Its and headed to my computer. I know it was wrong, but I log onto a porn site. Before I can retype my password for validation my  mother called. Coincidence? I think not. Apparently, Facebook and my Mom are working in cahoots.

Have a great day!

Mr. Brick

Follow me on Twitter @MrBrick