As all of my readers know by now that I am a single guy. That should not be confused with a lonely guy…I am far from lonely. Single yes, lonely no.
I am OK with my marital status. I do not have, nor have I ever had a biological clock ticking inside me. The closest thing I ever had to having anything ticking inside me was that one summer when I entered a burrito eating competition at the local Qdoba. It wasn’t a pretty picture. But that is a blog post for another time.
I have nothing against the institution of marriage. I would get married if the right girl came along, or if she posted a marriage proposal on my blog – but in the mean time I enjoy leading the life of a single guy. In fact, when the last census form came in the mail I had fun with it. Next to the word “single” that I had checked under marital status, I hand wrote, “hell yes” next to it. I had no idea that making an alteration on the federal form would trigger a personal home visit from a U.S. Census Worker. Man did that lady with her little black census bag and her fancy-assed, hand-held Census computer really take her job serious.
I enjoy all of the luxuries and perks that come with being single. I previously wrote a little bit about this a few weeks ago. You can check that post here. But I’m revisiting it more at length because I got a lot of emails asking me to expand on the subject… not sure if it was a bunch of single female bloggers just wanting to get to know more about Mr. Bricks, or not. So especially, here is what I like best about being single:
- A steady diet of McDonald’s without someone telling me that it is unhealthy for me. Hello, I know that. If I wanted something healthy I would go to Burger King.
- Having two TV’s and a stereo on all at the same time without someone telling me that I am wasting my electric bill
- I can leave the toilet seat up in both bathrooms without any retaliation or constant complaints
- I can eat Bagel Bites for breakfast, lunch and dinner – all on the same day
- Some day my underpants is as dressed up as I will get if I am not planning on leaving the house, and that’s OK with me
- I can say rude comments while watching that Bachelorette without getting slugged in the arm
- I can watch cheerleading competitions on ESPN if I want to
- No one will tell me to turn off the disco music at 7:00am (The Bee Gee’s, Donna Summer and ABBA rule in Mr Bricks’ house)
- The dishes DO NOT have to be washed today (or tomorrow)
- If I run out of clean socks – no worries, that’s why God invented Wal-Mart. Besides, doing laundry is so overrated
- I don’t have to hide the porn (just kidding Mom)
- No one tells me I snore
- I can watch Glee without worrying about it ruining my street cred – (wait, did I just type that in my blog?)
- Unlimited frozen pizza(s) (’nuff said)
- I don’t have to “man up” and change the oil in my own car when I can spend $284.99 at Jiffy Lube to get it done (it’s only money)
- Chili cheese dogs and ham sandwiches are the perfect morning pick me up
- I don’t have to have a frilly sham wow or whatever those fancy pants bed spread covers are called
- My house doesn’t smell like the damn Yankee Candle factory
- I don’t have sponges hanging in the shower and 17 types of shampoo, conditioners, and hair goop cluttering up the bathroom
- One fry pan and one saucepan is all the “pots and pans” I need in the kitchen, thank you very much!
- I can fall asleep on the couch at 1:00pm in the afternoon and no one is going to yell, “go get a job you loser.”
- I can sit on the couch for hours on end without saying a word and no one will ask me, “What are you thinking?“