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The 22 Best Things About Being A Single Guy

Yep I can watch cheerleading competitions on ESPN all day long!

As all of my readers know by now that I am a single guy. That should not be confused with a lonely guy…I am far from lonely. Single yes, lonely no.

I am OK with my marital status. I do not have, nor have I ever had a biological clock ticking inside me. The closest thing I ever had to having anything ticking inside me was that one summer when I entered a burrito eating competition at the local Qdoba. It wasn’t a pretty picture.  But that is a blog post for another time.

I have nothing against the institution of marriage. I would get married if the right girl came along, or if she posted a marriage proposal on my blog – but in the mean time I enjoy leading the life of a single guy. In fact, when the last census form came in the mail I had fun with it. Next to the word “single”  that I had checked under marital status,  I hand wrote, “hell yes”  next to it. I had no idea that making an alteration on the federal form would trigger a personal home visit from a U.S. Census Worker. Man did that lady with her little black census bag and her fancy-assed, hand-held Census computer really take her job serious.

I enjoy all of  the luxuries and perks that come with being single. I previously wrote a little bit about this  a few weeks ago. You can check that post here.  But I’m revisiting it more at length because I  got a lot of emails asking me to expand on the subject… not sure if it was a bunch of single female bloggers just wanting to get to know more about Mr. Bricks, or not.  So especially, here is what I like best about being single:

  1. A steady diet of McDonald’s without someone telling me that it is unhealthy for me.  Hello, I know that. If I wanted something healthy I would go to Burger King.
  2. Having two TV’s and a stereo on all at the same time without someone telling me that I am wasting my electric bill
  3. I can leave the toilet seat up in both bathrooms without any retaliation or constant complaints
  4. I can eat Bagel Bites for breakfast, lunch and dinner – all on the same day
  5. Some day my underpants is as dressed up as I will get if I am not planning on leaving the house, and that’s OK with me
  6. I can say rude comments while watching that Bachelorette without getting slugged in the arm
  7. I can watch cheerleading competitions on ESPN if I want to
  8. No one will tell me to turn off the disco music at 7:00am (The Bee Gee’s, Donna Summer and ABBA rule in Mr Bricks’ house)
  9. The dishes DO NOT have to be washed today (or tomorrow)
  10. If I run out of clean socks – no worries, that’s why God invented Wal-Mart. Besides, doing laundry is so overrated
  11. I don’t have to hide the porn (just kidding Mom)
  12. No one tells me I snore
  13. I can watch Glee without worrying about it ruining my street cred – (wait, did I just type that in my blog?)
  14. Unlimited frozen pizza(s)  (’nuff said)
  15. I don’t have to “man up” and change the oil in my own car when I can spend $284.99 at Jiffy Lube to get it done (it’s only money)
  16. Chili cheese dogs and ham sandwiches  are the perfect morning pick me up
  17. I don’t have to have a frilly  sham wow or whatever those fancy pants bed spread covers are called
  18. My house doesn’t smell like the damn Yankee Candle factory
  19. I don’t have sponges hanging in the shower and 17 types of shampoo, conditioners, and hair goop cluttering up the bathroom
  20. One fry pan and one saucepan is all the “pots and pans” I need in the kitchen, thank you very much!
  21. I can fall asleep on the couch at 1:00pm in the afternoon and no one is going to yell, “go get a job you loser.”
  22. I can sit on the couch for hours on end without saying a word and no one will ask me, “What are you thinking?
Have a great day and embrace your inner singleness!
Mr. Brick
Follow me on Twitter @MrBrick
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8 thoughts on “The 22 Best Things About Being A Single Guy

  1. Funny… very funny. Especially liked: “One fry pan and one sauce pan is all the “pots and pans” I need in the kitchen, thank you very much!”” Thanks for the giggle.

  2. I have a friend who has just started dating again after a divorce and his girlfriend is a little younger. You won’t believe what he is complaining about – her asking him what he is thinking all the time. It is driving him crazy. Very funny list!

  3. I can’t believe the census lady actually made a house call because of that!

    That was a great list! It made me smile 🙂
    Number 22 was so funny (and very true).

    As for the other things, you know mr. Bricks, I have a feeling that you would be the kind of guy who would love to have a loving and caring girlfriend who would cook you dinners (not McDonalds), who waits for you to come home from work and be happy when you are back and greets you with a kiss and a pinch on your butt, who watches glee with you (hey, i aint here to judge), and who enjoys your 7:00am disco music 🙂 I think you’d put up with the nagging and yankee candles for that deal.

    What do you think?

    Great post, again.

    Malavika

    1. oh yes, if you mess with the census people here in the US you can be arrested they are doing official business. Thanks for your kind comments! Malavika.

      Have a great day!

      Mr Bricks

  4. this is actually very nice! i totally agree with numbers 3, 4, 7, and 20. numbers 1 & 9 aren’t real options because i live with my relatives and they totally mess with what i want to eat, and they would kill me if i leave any unwashed dishes. the rest? well i used to still enjoy them with my girlfriend back when we were still living together because she’s cool. now we’re long distance and i really miss how cool she is.

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