One great thing about the internet is that feedback for anything you do online is almost instantaneous. That’s great if you are inquiring whether or not the newest 86 inch Plasma TV is in stock at your favorite online retailer or not. It is also very useful to check your current bank balance for those like me who don’t keep track in the check register.
But it is not so great if you are inquiring with a publisher about the latest manuscript you have written and even before you are log off you get a response with a big fat no. The problem is they just don’t say no. They are in the literary field and so they use a little more flowery language to tell you to get lost. Here are some of the better rejection emails:
- LOL, are you kidding us, Mr. Brick?
- Don’t quit you day job, unless your day job involves a keyboard, then yeah, we think you should quit!
- Not only are passing on this project, but we have decided to get out of the publishing business. Thanks for pushing us over the edge!
- Every once in a while a really great unsolicited manuscript lands on our desk. This is not one of them.
- To say we disliked your material would be a gross understatement of our opinion of it.
- Maybe you should self publishing. On second thought, that would be a terrible waste of your money.
- Step away from the computer, for reals, dude.
- To quote Simon Cowell, “It was pure rubbish Mr. Brick.”
- Thanks for the laugh.
- We have a deal for you. You don’t call us and we won’t call you. Deal?