There are no doubts about it that the cable channel TLC has some of the strangest programming on television. They are the yahoos behind the shows like; Sister Wives, (OK, I just want to add if I can have 6 or 7 wives at least one of them is gonna be a hottie) Freaky Eaters, Hoarding: Buried Alive, Cake Boss, Extreme Couponing, Toddlers and Tiaras ( don’t get me started on that one), 19 Kids and Counting, Kate plus Eight, Say Yes to the Dress, Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta, (and then Say Yes to the Dress for Fat Girls), NY Ink, LA Ink, I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant (How is that possible??) and then I know TLC also has like 10 different shows that feature midgets. At first I seriously thought that TLC stood for the The Little Channel. For the record, midgets freak me out – it’s from a workplace trauma when I had to deal with the little sons of bitches while I was working for the Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus – I was scarred for life.
But I think when someone said, yes let’s do a show about the weird addictions people have, the cable channel set an all time new low bar for television programming. Don’t get me wrong, I watch My Strange Addiction, Freaky Eaters and their hoarding shows all of the time. I just was thinking that if someone can get TV time and publicity for eating dry wall instead of potato chips or the lady who is addicted to smelling gasoline – what won’t they put on TV?
So I have decided to become the honorary head of programming for TLC for a day. Here are the new edgy, trend setting reality TV shows I will be putting into production:
Real Blind Dates – follows the creepy men who enjoy dating girls who are legally blind
Buffet Bodies – Every show will follow super obese people who eat at Las Vegas buffets for each of their three daily meals
Hoes Who Hoe – Cameras follow the secret lives of street walkers who are also closet gardeners raising everything from radishes to arugula and parsnips to pumpkins
Creative Writing – The world of bloggers will be closely examined – stories will include profiles of the Bluff Blogger and the Plagiarizing Presbyterian
Prison Pen Pals – Each episode will feature the very, very, very, very lonely people who find companionship through writing letters to convicted killers
What Not To Wear From Your Sister’s Closet – Follows a bunch of transgendered teen males who diss upon the clothes they stole from their sister’s closets
Extreme Hotel Room Service Makeover – Surprised hotel guests return to their rooms to find it has been changed into an exact replica of their bedroom back home
Cops and Doughnuts – A team of psychologists try to break down the serious addiction law enforcement officers have to doughnuts and help get them into recovery
Pimp My Cart – Spry senior citizens trade in their standard golf carts in the world’s largest retirement community for pimped out carts that feature such luxuries as a diaper changing station and reclining drivers seat for a quick nap at street crossings
Lottery Losers – People who have never won the lottery talk about how miserable their current life is and day-dream about what they would do if they ever actually won
See, I am not just a pretty face. I could be a television development executive – Hello can you hear me TLC?
Have a great day!
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